Sembreak....MY ASS!!
OK, it supposed to be my sembreak starting last week, right after our finals in Work and Society. But then because of this programming contest to be held in our school, we still have to go to school and attend meetings every 130pm daily. i'm just so pissed off at the idea of me not being able to enjoy my sembreak in a way i imagined it to be. GRRRRR!
Calm down.... calmdown.....Looking at the bright side, it's fun. It's supposed to be fun. Right? Whenever I attend school for that meeting, I am wasting time and money. I already feel sorry for my mother for always giving her a burden in my grades and on my extra curricular actvities. Because as a mother, I could see in her eyes how hard for her to give my allowance knowing that she is also the one who is paying for my tuition fee since my auntie gave up sponsoring me beacuase of failing grades. i feel so ashamed already. However, it seemsas if my mind is not registering that idea very well. I can't feel motivated to turn that sadness into something that would motivate me to study harder. i just can't. it's something i haven't figured out since I experienced my first failing mark.
I feel so helpless. Just now, I realized that not all offices accept student like me who fails grade. My co actor texted my another co actor of their job opening. Guess what the requirement is? No FAILING MARK, any king of course in college taken etc. I'm kinda bothered by this. I mean, I can't believe that grades is a requirement.
I feel so depressed at the idea. It really makes me alot more mad about my self. Bu I can;t get mad. for sure, When I wake up tomorrow, I won't even feel what I am feeling right now. i have a very fast detachment capability. It's like what morrie said. "Learn to detach yourself. Once you've felt that certain feeling, Detach! That is the only way to move forward". Howcome, i am not moving forward? What is wrong with me? I hate myself. I detach so easiliy that I became relieved of the feeling faster than you can say, PITY ME.
I don't know anymore if I can fix this on my own or do I need a shrink for this. I feel helpless. I hate that idea. I hate not being able to fix my own problem. Pleas elord I beg you to please help me. I need to improve myself. i am not the girl that I once was. I used to get High grades. I can't feel it right now. There probably was nothing in me to stop me.
Calm down.... calmdown.....Looking at the bright side, it's fun. It's supposed to be fun. Right? Whenever I attend school for that meeting, I am wasting time and money. I already feel sorry for my mother for always giving her a burden in my grades and on my extra curricular actvities. Because as a mother, I could see in her eyes how hard for her to give my allowance knowing that she is also the one who is paying for my tuition fee since my auntie gave up sponsoring me beacuase of failing grades. i feel so ashamed already. However, it seemsas if my mind is not registering that idea very well. I can't feel motivated to turn that sadness into something that would motivate me to study harder. i just can't. it's something i haven't figured out since I experienced my first failing mark.
I feel so helpless. Just now, I realized that not all offices accept student like me who fails grade. My co actor texted my another co actor of their job opening. Guess what the requirement is? No FAILING MARK, any king of course in college taken etc. I'm kinda bothered by this. I mean, I can't believe that grades is a requirement.
I feel so depressed at the idea. It really makes me alot more mad about my self. Bu I can;t get mad. for sure, When I wake up tomorrow, I won't even feel what I am feeling right now. i have a very fast detachment capability. It's like what morrie said. "Learn to detach yourself. Once you've felt that certain feeling, Detach! That is the only way to move forward". Howcome, i am not moving forward? What is wrong with me? I hate myself. I detach so easiliy that I became relieved of the feeling faster than you can say, PITY ME.
I don't know anymore if I can fix this on my own or do I need a shrink for this. I feel helpless. I hate that idea. I hate not being able to fix my own problem. Pleas elord I beg you to please help me. I need to improve myself. i am not the girl that I once was. I used to get High grades. I can't feel it right now. There probably was nothing in me to stop me.
posted by Eiggem3 @ 10:32 PM
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